pure….liberty… the Purification and Liberation.

8 04 2013

Last week’s cleanse brought me with a surprising boost of energy, tranquility and a seven pound weight loss. During this time I reflected on the beauty of myself, and the world around me. I allowed myself to break from this during the weekend’s festivities, and all too swiftly the old self, emotions and ego began the writhing dance of obnoxious ridiculousness. I had an interesting conversation with a friend today, who was feeling a bit fearful of the current state of things in the world, and when I logged on to facebook earlier I found that they were not alone. I ciphered through countless posts that had an undercurrent of fear, hopelessness and malice. And thus I have declared, that until my birthday (which is my celebration from my cleanse day) I will fast also from facebook. It is only a small step, but perhaps it will begin a habit for me. I will be blogging, and sharing my blog postings on facebook to keep in contact, but until April 18th, I will not log on. More on this tomorrow, I feel the dreams calling.

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coffee blues and supermarket voyeurism

25 03 2013

I hate Mondays. I mean, I know we’re programmed to hate Mondays, but when I am doing a coffee cleanse, I really despise the beginning of the work/school week. I have been imagining a fresh, hot cup of freshly ground french press dark roast (with agave nectar and goat milk) all day long. As most of the world, I equate my energy level to the amount of caffeine surging through my veins, and without it I feel exhausted. I’m trying to push through it, make myself drink some water… I look to my juicer for inspiration, only to run in horror at the thought of having to clean it afterwards. Mondays are the days I NEED my coffee. This particular Monday involved a dentist appointment for Madelyn, followed by standing for an hour straight outside the tax booth at the local supermarket waiting for a turn. It was a rather interesting experience, as standing against walls at supermarkets tend to be. I stood in front of an elderly cashier who had to be 90 years old, at the very least. I watched as she carefully scanned all the groceries, and made small talk with the customers. What amazed me the most about this was that she did not stop smiling, not even once! Considering what a fast paced society we’ve come to live in, I expected to see a disgruntled customer come into her line at some point. However, during the hour of this exchange every single person left with a smile as well! It was a wonderful experience, watching this little microcosm happening right before me. I spotted a cashier with a genuine beehive hair style (complete with a silk flower tucked in the back) and made eye contact as well as smiled at nearly every passing person. It was finally time for me to sit with the tax lady, and as I sat another lady who had not been waiting came to the seat. Before I had a chance to say anything, she offered her seat to me, and I sat to be greeted with a cheerful presence by the lady who was working by herself and had just finished up with an hour long tax preparation. I was relieved to be met with grace in a situation that on any other Monday would have been really challenging my zen. I glanced over on the wall to find the quote of the day, from Nietzsche:

“The snake which cannot cast its skin has to die. As well the minds which are prevented from changing their opinions; they cease to be mind.”

― Friedrich Nietzsche

It’s rather remarkable how many little things await our discovery in this universe. So often we overlook the signs, only to get lost in the general collective mass projected emoticons. So grumpy without coffee or not, we have to breathe, and open our eyes.

Blessing of Monday to all!

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(that’s Mississippi John Hurt, by the way. Coffee Blues. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uL7jowIpykQ )





this must be the place: a midnight ode to Sebring

25 03 2013

I love the way Florida sounds at night… there’s always some strange unidentifiable alien-like sounds coming from the lake that makes me feel like I’m in the jungles of Haiti. I can’t decipher if it’s cranes, frogs, insects, the highway or an audio-casserole of everything ricocheted off the water. This place has really grown on me, and I am happy to finally have that elusive feeling of having a place to call “home”. It has been quite a journey to get to this point, however. We moved to Sebring after a year long conversation about moving somewhere outside of Georgia. There were a few places we tossed around the idea of, and some of them were in Florida as well, but there was always something very romantic in the description and research about Sebring, and Todd had grown up here, so it became more and more on our radar. We stayed for a weekend in April last year; camped out at Highlands Hammock and stayed in a room at the Kenilworth Lodge (art noveau/ Spanish revival lakeside resort built in the early 20s). I was smitten the moment we got here. I couldn’t really put my finger on it, but there was something really special about this place. We moved from Atlanta in mid May, after selling most of our possessions and packing the van up with kids, dog and whatever else could fit. The first few months were the typical new place honeymoon phase, exploring, visiting the beaches (about a 2 hour trek to either coast) and getting acclimated. Then it hit me. Like a freighter. I was homesick like I had never been homesick. I felt like my 21 year old self- crying in the kitchen of the Navy housing, barefoot and pregnant and alone. I missed my friends, I missed my family… I mourned, and dreaded and regretted, and blamed and turned into a real stink of hormones, emotions and ridiculousness. But I didn’t run from it, which is something I tended to do in the past, run to another country, city, whatever to avoid what is in my face. I went in the trenches with myself and I looked in the lens of the microscope. Slowly the community began to grow around me- there was the churches, the theater, the thrift stores… I walk nearly every where and live right in the heart of the town; which brings me to great interactions with amazing people. There is such a rich culture of people who live in this tiny little retirement community. Most people who grew up here or who have only passed through would probably never recognize this. But after living in many different cities, I think Sebring has become my favorite. There is some sort of social gathering, that is most often free or cheap happening nearly every weekend, and there is a great deal of honor and respect paid to eras gone and to the older generation here. There are a great number of artists and performers, and an appreciation as well as thirst for the arts. I can have a beautiful, deeply spiritual conversation that is void of dogma with a stranger in the produce aisle of publix, and I am almost guaranteed to run into at least one person I know daily. Sometimes, I think I made this place up, when I was a little girl. It is so reminiscent of the make-believe life I concocted when I was making my pretend movies in my grandparent’s basement. But above all else, to me, Sebring represents my undying faith in myself, and the strength of my will to not give up. I am growing, like a thistle in the summer sun. This must be the place.

(interesting side note: Highlands County is part of the Lake Wales Ridge- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lake_Wales_Ridge  which is the ancient island that Florida once was. So we are living in a pretty ancient, sacred area here. And I’m pretty convinced this is yet another vortex)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aMawfL1lE4k





illuminate. rejuvenate.

23 03 2013

Spring forward.

Hello spring. I had forgotten it was time for your visit… Perhaps I was avoiding facing what I haven’t accomplished yet. I have my own quiet (and sometimes not so quiet) hours of mourning the creations I have not created just before the light changes and the air shifts to the undeniable arrival of the new season. This time, this equinox- I had to ask myself: Why do I always focus on what didn’t manifest, instead of acknowledging what did? I pick myself apart at old desires left unfulfilled. I have a long struggle with past yearnings that are based on rather outdated archetypes of self that no longer fit the big picture of my life. I realized it wasn’t necessarily an attachment to old versions of reality, rather a fear of what the new story would tell. In the grace of seeing the minor victories, I see the open doors that were once walls. I long to see the changes happen, but cringe at the process required to bring those changes. I must remind myself, once more- the process is more important than the end results. In the process lies all the experiences, all the songs, all the lovely moments. Once the shift into the new paradigm born from the change occurs, the process is over, and a new process begins. Life is climbing your own Everest, and finding yourself at the summit. So welcome, spring- dear old friend. I stand in the light of this new time, this new promise, this new process and I will not stand down. I will weather the calluses in my hands from jagged rocks, the exhaustion of moving forward and the fear of falling. I recognize that I am anchored, and that with each ascension welcomes me with a moment of tranquility and rest before another time of intensity. Welcome, Sun.

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“A. E. Waite suggested that this card is associated with attained knowledge. An infant rides a white horse under the anthropomorphized sun, with sunflowers in the background. The child of life holds a red flag, representing the blood of renewal while a smiling sun shines down on him, representing accomplishment. The conscious mind prevails over the fears and illusions of the unconsciousInnocence is renewed through discovery, bringing hope for the future.” 





Is there a tether through the underworld?

30 09 2012

I’m not sure how anyone else has been feeling over the past few months, I’ve heard feedback from some of my more intimate friends that it’s been a bit of a challenge over the last quarter for them as well. I personally, I have been riding the waves of a funk that has lasted a few months. Some weeks it’s great, others it’s textbook personal hell. I could chalk it off to being life, growing older, astrological occurrence, saturn’s return, weaning hormones, etc etc. But at the same time, we are all in this together. I discovered the light at the end of the tunnel, I began to see it’s glimmer near the time of the equinox. I had a few exchanges with a good friend that she too was feeling a turn around from her recent setbacks. This past week has been filled was beautiful, serendipitous surprise. I had three conversation with very good friends that I had fallen out of touch with, I began to feel the love growing for my environment, as well as discovering new opportunities that I had been designing the scenario for in my mind all during the funk period. I had a thought- are these down periods necessary for manifestation to occur? I feel like when I’m going through these times I learn the lessons, or at least am given the potential experiences to further explore a deeper awareness and understanding of these lessons, that are necessary for me to grow into my new reality that supports the material creation that I sought. What type of anchors can be used to help one not lose a conscious state of awareness when exploring the shadow of the self? Is there a tether through the underworld? If there is, it must be of my design, of course. Like the spinning top DiCaprio’s  character uses in Inception, there must be a totem to remind us where we are, so we do not lose our self. I am grateful for the time that just passed, it was one hell of a ride, but what amazing joy it brings! It is the fear that turns the darkness into a prison. But we must face our darkness in order to understand our light. Image





Joy, Happiness… Eudaimonia and Lola Daydream

10 09 2012

So after the unexpected and annoying death of the laptop (though, in hindsight, much appreciated cleanse of old self attached to a stupid machine)… I’m back with the power of a purple gateway pavilion g6! This lap top makes me want to write much more often, so here’s to continuing promises of new habits!

This past week, er two… has been fast paced and full of lots of lessons as well as joy. Joy is something that I am attempting to cultivate more of in every moment of my life. I find that when I stop, breathe and find the joy in each situation, I can go deeper in my awareness of the world around as well as within me. I had a few moments this week I wasn’t too proud of, I lost my awareness and allowed my subconscious little girl to carry a megaphone. I said things I didn’t mean, had a tantrum, and stepped outside of myself to see a map of each moment in my life when I began to think in the specific categorical ways that caused a loss of grace. In Unity recently, we’ve been talking about blessing each new thing that comes into our lives. I see these moments as gifts from the Universe for having a more complete view of the entire issue, and see the lesson as a whole. It’s a funny experience, seeing yourself on the outside and realizing how ludicrous it is to carry on with the expected role. I have bigger, more interesting roles to play.

Joy. What is it? How do we define it? Joy is synonymous with happiness, and yet happiness is full of endless definitions and also undefinable. I decided to play the Wikipedia game.From Joy to Happiness to Eudaimonia.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eudaimonia

The six-factor structure of eudaimonia in psychology are as follows (as conceptualized by C.D. Ryff):

  1. Autonomy
  2. Personal growth
  3. Self-acceptance
  4. Purpose in life
  5. Environmental mastery
  6. Positive relations with others

Eudaimonia also refers to a guardian spirit, as the etymology of the word means good spirit. I know that (through personal experience) the sensation of joy, happiness, etc is a very similar feeling to that of being in a higher state of consciousness. Perhaps eudaimonia is our higher self, and the emotional interpretation of the state of being is in the sensation of atonement? Perhaps the atonement (also, today in Unity we talked about atonement, and seeing the basic breakdown of the word: at-one-ment was a refreshing a-ha moment for me) is the elusive Holy Guardian Angel, the actualization of self. This subject, I shall seek further understanding later. For tonight, I will end with the realization that on October 5, my saturn return shall be over. I have less than a month to celebrate the most interesting three years of my life. My, what a ride it has been, I can’t wait to look back on how far I have traveled.

When I am awake, you see, I know that I am dreaming, so that they must be very silly children, don’t you think?

Liber XCV

The Wake World

THE WAKE WORLD
A TALE FOR BABES AND SUCKLINGS
(WITH EXPLANITORY NOTES IN HEBREW AND LATIN FOR THE USE
OF THE WISE AND PRUDENT

http://hermetic.com/crowley/libers/lib95.html





My revolution looks like…

19 08 2012

Yesterday, a friend of mine posed the question: “What does your revolution look like?”

I had to step back and really let this question become more than just words. My first thoughts were- what is it, exactly, that I am revolting?

My free form exploration of this idea is as follows:

I am revolting against fear.

The fear of loss, of incapability, of intolerance. The fear of failure, of strife and of lack.

I am revolting against time.

Deconstructing the perceived binds that are held by time, the limitations and boundaries that inhibit and stifle, the idea that there is not enough time. The miscalculations from now irrelevant past equations, the idealization of future events yet to occur.

I am revolting against space.

Releasing the need for a specific locality for proper manifestation, seeing the unlimited potential that stretches endlessly and connects all.

I am revolting against matter.

And the limitations I implant within myself when I take for granted the physical world that surrounds me. The world of light and subatomic waltzes is within all. Objects are merely uniquely constructed and arranged particles which are given life when named, categorized and observed.

What does my revolution look like?

My revolution looks like the ocean at dawn, just before the tide comes in. It looks like steam rising from the asphalt after a summer rain. It’s a leaf blowing down an alleyway, moss on a tombstone. My revolution is the faraway look on a child’s face as they watch the full moon rise in a starlit sky. My revolution is liberty, and is my birthright.

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Today, I took a walk and saw the world with a new set of eyes-

Here’s some of the beautiful things that caught my eye as I walked:

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“…how they twinkle”

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