pure….liberty… the Purification and Liberation.

8 04 2013

Last week’s cleanse brought me with a surprising boost of energy, tranquility and a seven pound weight loss. During this time I reflected on the beauty of myself, and the world around me. I allowed myself to break from this during the weekend’s festivities, and all too swiftly the old self, emotions and ego began the writhing dance of obnoxious ridiculousness. I had an interesting conversation with a friend today, who was feeling a bit fearful of the current state of things in the world, and when I logged on to facebook earlier I found that they were not alone. I ciphered through countless posts that had an undercurrent of fear, hopelessness and malice. And thus I have declared, that until my birthday (which is my celebration from my cleanse day) I will fast also from facebook. It is only a small step, but perhaps it will begin a habit for me. I will be blogging, and sharing my blog postings on facebook to keep in contact, but until April 18th, I will not log on. More on this tomorrow, I feel the dreams calling.

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illuminate. rejuvenate.

23 03 2013

Spring forward.

Hello spring. I had forgotten it was time for your visit… Perhaps I was avoiding facing what I haven’t accomplished yet. I have my own quiet (and sometimes not so quiet) hours of mourning the creations I have not created just before the light changes and the air shifts to the undeniable arrival of the new season. This time, this equinox- I had to ask myself: Why do I always focus on what didn’t manifest, instead of acknowledging what did? I pick myself apart at old desires left unfulfilled. I have a long struggle with past yearnings that are based on rather outdated archetypes of self that no longer fit the big picture of my life. I realized it wasn’t necessarily an attachment to old versions of reality, rather a fear of what the new story would tell. In the grace of seeing the minor victories, I see the open doors that were once walls. I long to see the changes happen, but cringe at the process required to bring those changes. I must remind myself, once more- the process is more important than the end results. In the process lies all the experiences, all the songs, all the lovely moments. Once the shift into the new paradigm born from the change occurs, the process is over, and a new process begins. Life is climbing your own Everest, and finding yourself at the summit. So welcome, spring- dear old friend. I stand in the light of this new time, this new promise, this new process and I will not stand down. I will weather the calluses in my hands from jagged rocks, the exhaustion of moving forward and the fear of falling. I recognize that I am anchored, and that with each ascension welcomes me with a moment of tranquility and rest before another time of intensity. Welcome, Sun.

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“A. E. Waite suggested that this card is associated with attained knowledge. An infant rides a white horse under the anthropomorphized sun, with sunflowers in the background. The child of life holds a red flag, representing the blood of renewal while a smiling sun shines down on him, representing accomplishment. The conscious mind prevails over the fears and illusions of the unconsciousInnocence is renewed through discovery, bringing hope for the future.” 





Joy, Happiness… Eudaimonia and Lola Daydream

10 09 2012

So after the unexpected and annoying death of the laptop (though, in hindsight, much appreciated cleanse of old self attached to a stupid machine)… I’m back with the power of a purple gateway pavilion g6! This lap top makes me want to write much more often, so here’s to continuing promises of new habits!

This past week, er two… has been fast paced and full of lots of lessons as well as joy. Joy is something that I am attempting to cultivate more of in every moment of my life. I find that when I stop, breathe and find the joy in each situation, I can go deeper in my awareness of the world around as well as within me. I had a few moments this week I wasn’t too proud of, I lost my awareness and allowed my subconscious little girl to carry a megaphone. I said things I didn’t mean, had a tantrum, and stepped outside of myself to see a map of each moment in my life when I began to think in the specific categorical ways that caused a loss of grace. In Unity recently, we’ve been talking about blessing each new thing that comes into our lives. I see these moments as gifts from the Universe for having a more complete view of the entire issue, and see the lesson as a whole. It’s a funny experience, seeing yourself on the outside and realizing how ludicrous it is to carry on with the expected role. I have bigger, more interesting roles to play.

Joy. What is it? How do we define it? Joy is synonymous with happiness, and yet happiness is full of endless definitions and also undefinable. I decided to play the Wikipedia game.From Joy to Happiness to Eudaimonia.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eudaimonia

The six-factor structure of eudaimonia in psychology are as follows (as conceptualized by C.D. Ryff):

  1. Autonomy
  2. Personal growth
  3. Self-acceptance
  4. Purpose in life
  5. Environmental mastery
  6. Positive relations with others

Eudaimonia also refers to a guardian spirit, as the etymology of the word means good spirit. I know that (through personal experience) the sensation of joy, happiness, etc is a very similar feeling to that of being in a higher state of consciousness. Perhaps eudaimonia is our higher self, and the emotional interpretation of the state of being is in the sensation of atonement? Perhaps the atonement (also, today in Unity we talked about atonement, and seeing the basic breakdown of the word: at-one-ment was a refreshing a-ha moment for me) is the elusive Holy Guardian Angel, the actualization of self. This subject, I shall seek further understanding later. For tonight, I will end with the realization that on October 5, my saturn return shall be over. I have less than a month to celebrate the most interesting three years of my life. My, what a ride it has been, I can’t wait to look back on how far I have traveled.

When I am awake, you see, I know that I am dreaming, so that they must be very silly children, don’t you think?

Liber XCV

The Wake World

THE WAKE WORLD
A TALE FOR BABES AND SUCKLINGS
(WITH EXPLANITORY NOTES IN HEBREW AND LATIN FOR THE USE
OF THE WISE AND PRUDENT

http://hermetic.com/crowley/libers/lib95.html





Today’s Elemental reading (for a friend)

28 08 2012

https://twitter.com/#!/mamaheyoka/media/slideshow?url=pic.twitter.com%2FY6vpGdCY

I’ve been playing around with an interpretive elemental/pentagram spread in my readings recently, using the traditional ruling of the pentagram: Spirit, Air, Earth, Fire and Water.

Read the rest of this entry »





Slack

28 08 2012

I’ve been rather slack with my blog this past week, but in life I have managed to walk nearly 3 miles a day, do daily yoga, and get some housework done- as well as find all of the girl’s dance supplies for around 50 bucks (brand new we would have been looking at close to 200) thanks to eBay, and have begun the flow of the school week. Alden and I are working on art, letters, counting, doing some reading and games- and trying to fit in some blogging time as well. This week’s priorities are: remaining eBay auctions listed, more blogging, tarot and morning ritual meditation habit, daily yoga/dance as well as continued walks to school, Todd’s birthday (planing a special day for him, he’s turning 43!) and hopefully, some art time as well. My best friend had her baby last night (as well as another friend from high school!) at home, breech!! I’m so proud of her! I hope the storm dissipates in the Gulf, but lots of safe thoughts to my friends evacuating New Orleans right now, and protection to my favorite city!





Flow

22 08 2012

Slowly, the flow begins. I’m pleased at how many interesting things are happening everyday, and how little stress I am feeling from the expansion of life I’m experiencing currently! The sun just passed into Virgo, and this is a month of concentration on cleaning and organizing! I’m working on the house (be it slowly) and posting some new auctions this week. I just signed up for a free week at the gym, and will hopefully be starting to spend at least an hour a day on swimming, yoga, spinning, etc. The gym also has a sauna, as well as a juice bar with wheat grass so I can do my new moon cleanses too! We just celebrated Alden’s birthday, reminiscing his home birth and celebrating his presence in this universe was a fun day! The girls and Todd all were cast in the Highlands Little Theater production of Annie, and we are so excited! This year is going to be a very different, positive and enjoyable experience. It’s nice when so many things happen everyday that you want to blog about but are too busy enjoying life that you just log them in your mind. I do think, I will start being more proactive about bringing a camera with me and my journal to log some things for future blogging, however. And now, to get some more housework done before it’s time to walk to the school to pick the kids up! Which, walking to this school everyday with the kids is really giving me a greater perspective on Sebring. This town is slowly becoming my hometown, I can feel it. I tell Todd more and more as every day goes by that I’m really falling in love with Sebring. I had a hard time accepting it at first, June I was really homesick, especially for Carrollton. But now, I can’t imagine being in any better place. I think this is the first time in a good portion of my adult life that I haven’t began fantasizing about new places to live. More later….





the hardest lessons

11 08 2012

Typically, the hardest lessons about one’s self come in that awkward moment of realizing that you were wrong. Emotional vomit, it gets me… I open my mouth and before I know it I’ve just ranted myself into an unnecessary tantrum. Once, when I was younger, these things would happen and I would blame it on the world around me, always circumstance. But my life is slowly becoming more microscopic and the details are always unavoidable. No one created this delirious version of reality but me. I find that reflection and retracing of actions and words lead to thoughts, which can be traced to roots. For every word, thought and action has a root which is sometimes embedded in deep, old parts of our selves that we are often unaware exist. They seed, gestate, and sprout into the will, regardless. The emotions, ruled by cups, by water, fluid and ever changing… life giving as well as taking. The thought, ruled by swords, by air, both piercing and protecting. The will, ruled by wands, by fire- creative and destructive fire. And the material, matter- ruled by disks, by earth- the form which we chose to give life, whether with intent or with lack thereof: the final solution. The pieces of self are unfolding, I see the parts of me that were trained from repeated words, emotional responses and actions… this which once seemed an infinite puzzle is becoming more like an enigmatic chasm that can be interpreted, navigated and slowly understood, like Pythia. Lucid living, lucid waking, awareness- awake! I hear your call, and I can only continue forward on this grand adventure, this bella vida! I wish I had captured the picture today, but as we drove home we saw a sign pasted to a road barrier: “Wake Up!”

Indeed.

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-the summer sky, as seen from Lido Beach, June 2012