Five of Hearts

16 04 2013

Today, as I walked to pick the kids up from school I found a five of hearts on the sidewalk. With all of the latest unfolding of this ever turning path to self, it amused me greatly. The five of hearts, which equates to the five of cups in tarot- is essentially disappointment. But it’s so much more than just disappointment, it’s disappointment due predominately to an unwillingness to expand. It’s the let down we create for ourselves when our rigid expectations about how life is supposed to operate are not met. Typically this brings about the feeling of failure, of loss, of setback. But the real lesson here is how to shift from expectancy to experience. This lesson brought that moment of eureka when I arrived home with the kids. I had created an ideal scenario for my reception home, not a precise ideal, but just a general energy field I was looking to find. Of course, as the energy of three kids who just walked a mile after a day of school tends to go, they burst forth into the house with boundless chaos and my ideal reception was reduced to a disorienting muddle. One of my personal struggles has been the search for perfection and the idealization of how life around me operates. I feel such a great sense of darkness and failure when my vision becomes distorted, and when the expectation is not met. I allude myself into thinking that things will go perfectly, swiftly and precisely. My dearest friend, Ryan, who is my psyche twin posted a similar observation today on facebook:

Optimism has caused me a lot of problems in this life. Through it, I have come to have unreasonable expectations of perfection, both in myself, others, and the human experience as a whole. These disappointments have caused me no end of agony and suffering and anger. I woke up this morning, knowing it. I now know that for myself, the only way I can take even one more moment of this life, is to drop the expectation of perfection, hope for success, adopt new, realistic expectations, and prepare myself for the disappointments that are waiting behind most doors. The Formula of the new Aeon is this. Keep hope alive, expect the worst, and do it anyway. 

Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law. Love is the law, love under will.

As I am learning to shed my skin and dance the snake dance, I am discovering who I really am, things that I once longed for are slowly becoming irrelevant and belonging to someone else. Deleting the files of my story that were told from the perspective of others and writing one of my own is the only option. Let the shift from third person to first person begin.

Image

“Five energy represents that element in each of us that seeks out more expression, more unification, and more understanding of who we are amongst the balancing tides of the universe. In essence, Five is the numerical manifestation of our own desire to balance our own internal equations.”

from http://www.tarotteachings.com/meaning-of-five.html

Advertisements

Actions

Information

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s




%d bloggers like this: